


Yeah, we're damaged

by YWBFound



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Anxiety, Chatlogs, Clumsiness, Cutesy, Depression, Drugs, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jared Kleinman Has Two Moms, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shyness, Smut, Soft Jared Kleinman, Swearing, Texting, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tickle Fights, sarcastic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 02:03:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15547167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YWBFound/pseuds/YWBFound
Summary: Zoe starts out writing in a diary before she goes to college. She meets three people who soon become her best friends (or more??). They did not know each other when Connor died.





	Yeah, we're damaged

**Author's Note:**

> Super excited for this? Its an idea ive had for a while and I've just now decided to go through with it.

Dear diary,

 

Mom is making me start writing in here so I can express my feelings. Probably won't. What will I say? Connors dead and I wanna CRY? Funny joke. I may sound like a bitch but I do not give a fuck. After years of emotional abuse and sometimes physical, you do not seem to care about said abuser anymore. Thinking about quitting jazz band. I just don't really care anymore. I'm getting more into my academics. Maybe i'll be able to graduate early if I drop band for my last calculus class. I don't know. Bye I guess?

 

Frost bitten rain drop

Watched by crystal eyes

Spinning in whirl winds

Dancing across still skies

Loved by many

Across the field it flies

But even with the beauty

A broken heart dies

                                          -Lauren Phillips

Dear diary,

 

This was the poem I decided to recite at Connors funeral. Funny how none of the words felt real. My sorrow turned into fury when I saw all the glassy eyes at the reception. He was a damn monster. He didn't deserve all this positive attention. Sure, he was dealing with shit. But you know what? We all are. He was nothing but a horrible person to everyone around him. Anyways, I'm going to quit writing in this until I feel like it because I don't want to write something I might regret.

 

Dear diary,

 

It's been months since the incident with “he who shall not be named”. That's what my parents have started referring to him as. Like are you fucking serious? Say his name. It's not poisonous. It won't Fucking hurt you. Just say it. Say it say it say it. Connor. His name was Connor and he killed himself because fuck the world am i right? Wow, i take back the whole “fuck feelings thing” because writing this down is actually making me feel better. Fuck him. Connor fuck you. Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuck.

 

Dear diary,

 

It's my last day of high school. Go me for graduating early or whatever. Just glad i can get the FUCK out of this town. Sad I won't see my friends anymore but we weren't all that close anyways. I go to college in August. I wanted to be a band director but like, I'm just not as into band anymore. I decided I'm going into psychology. I know my roommates name. Alana. Hope she isn't a piece of shit.

 

Dear diary,

 

The parents shipped me off to Florida to have a vacation before college. “Congrats Zoe. We love you Zoe. Stay safe Zoe. Proud of you Zoe.” I've dealt with too much praise since Connor died. I'd get a celebratory dinner from my family for bringing home a single A. I've had A’s all my life but looove how you care now. Met a super hot waiter yesterday. His name was Jeremiah. Super tan. Super blond. SUUUUPER RIPPED. He bought me a drink but I had to decline because I'm underage. Anyways, gonna stop writing here because I'm going to try to enjoy Florida without any distractions. Peace out diary.

 

Dear diary,

 

I start college in a week. I'm actually moving in today so i'll need to make this quick. I've already met up with Alana a few times to have lunch and coffee. She seems alright. She is kind of a nerd but really adorable. She talked to me about her grades, her dog, and her boyfriend. His name was Jared I think? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Jared. She said he was quite the “human meme” but he was actually super sweet when people got to know him. Being a pretty memey person myself I'm excited to meet him.

 

Dear diary,

 

College is actually not as bad as people say. I'm good at all my classes and everyone seems pretty chill. Alana asked me if I had any siblings and I said no. I feel bad now though. He was a monster but he was my brother… Speaking of Alana! I met her boyfriend. He is Fucking H I L A R I O U S. I've only met him a few times but holy fuck. Dudes got quite the sense of humor. He said he may let me in their groupchat. Only if I prove myself worthy though. He said there was another person on it. Evan. Who I'm actually meeting tomorrow. Wish me luck lmao. I think I'm going to end the whole diary thing here though. I had a good run but I'm just too busy. Had a great time here though.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“ZOE I SWEAR IF YOU ATE THE DIP I AM KICKING YOU OUT.  THIS IS MEANT FOR ALL FOUR OF US AND IF I OPEN IT TO SEE THERE IS NOTHING I WILL KILL YOU” Alana screams from the kitchen. Zoe knows she ate all the dip.

 

She's going to hear a scream in 3...2...1…

 

“GOD DAMMIT THIS WAS OUR ONLY FUCKING SNACK. BUBBLES ATTACK!” Alana declares.

 

Shit not the fucking dog. Alana's dog jumped on her and attacked her face with kisses. Zoe laughs at the dog as she picks her up. She brings Bubbles to Alana and offers to go get more dip. Alana shoves a 10 dollar bill in her hand and screams about how if she eats it or wastes the money she will “murder her skin her and then feed her to her dog”.

 

Zoe heads out on the road and heads to their local grocers. It didn't slip her mind to put gas in her damn car. After 4 minutes of driving her dumbass was stuck on the side of the road. She spent about 12 minutes freaking out, kicking her car, and screaming curses before she decided to call Alana.

 

The phone rang twice when she noticed a black car pull up behind her. A man with a red shirt, khaki shorts, and glasses came out of the car with a goofy smile. Kleinman.

 

“Oh my god I've been here for like 20 minutes Jared how can I repay you now I do not have to get towed like fuck yes fuuuCCKKKk-” she stopper herself when she saw another man step out of the car. He had golden hair and was wearing a blue striped shirt. And he was fucking gorgeous.

 

“Holy shit” she muttered under her breath

  


**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments letting me know what you'd like to see next!


End file.
